The relationship between my father in law and myself has changed over the years. My wife was 17 and still in high school when she became pregnant with our first son, Todd. Other than the fact that this was against the law, sexual contact with a child. But my BIGGEST fear came from my father in law, Ronald. This man stood almost 7 foot tall and about 380 lbs. my biggest fear was falling while running away and Ron falling on top of me while he was screaming at me "why???" glad I woke up from that one...
After 2 more children, and several jobs (gonna have to post my resume some time...) Ron and I were on his ramp talking about what to do in case some thing happened to him....We talked about taking care of mom and getting rid of worldly things...when we discussed his last wishes....At this point in our lives we have both understood that we misjudged each other. And now it was more like father and son instead of the boy who got my daughter knocked up and ran...And we were able to talk about alot of things and be serious when we needed and not when we had to. Dad and i talked about his cremation and his funeral arrangements.
The next day, while I was driving around, I had the most evil thought. So I called up Dad and put my plan in motion.
Robert: ummm, Dad?
Ronald: Yes?
Robert: I have some bad news, good,news, bad news and maybe worse news....
Ronald: ????????
Robert: Remember how we talked about you not wanting a big event for a funeral and just wanted a simple cremation?
Ronald: yes?
At this point I could hear in his voice that he was getting ready to bite the hook and I needed to get ready to reel him in fast.
Robert: So I called around and got some estimates for your final "demise" and all of the local crematoriums would not be able to handle your size.....
Ronald: ?? what ???
Robert: So I thought about how cheap could I go if we did this ourselves....
Ronald:WHAT????
Robert: ya!, So I thought we get a shipping crate that a freezer came in and used that and tossed you in the fire pit we could get the job done for... say 10 to 20 bucks.....
Ronald:..............
Robert: But then I was concerned about problems with the fire department so I called the chief about prearranging a burning permit. But was told something about not burning anything bigger than my finger and needing to control the smoke since I lived in town....well that idea went up in flames when I told him of my plans and he was concerned with a residential grease fire...
Ronald: YOU SON OF A B****! I am gonna fall on you and beat you with my peg.
(yes I really did tell this to my dad.)
after a while we both got done laughing....I called back a few hours later and upped it.
Robert: DAD! Great news! The fire chief called back and was wondering if this could be used as a training exercise in putting out LARGE grease fires....but I was concerned with if we get this fire going would be able to put it out... and more to the point, should we?
We laughed so hard.
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